- Posts 2,535
- Updates an hour ago
- Conan O'Brien
I can't get over the fact that, no matter how hard I try, this particular tweet is going absolutely nowhere.
RT @TeamCoco: Get to know @conoroberst and @phoebe_bridgers, #CONAN's most musical Production Assistants. https://t.co/4W4IE9K1k4 https://t.co/gqafvjj0st
“Most quotes attributed to Mark Twain were actually said by someone else” - Mark Twain
Sad to see Buttigieg’s momentum fading before I ever really learned how to spell his name.
.@JimGaffigan and I bonded over our shocking whiteness and half-assed careers. https://t.co/pfOk236hQr https://t.co/pe0IkHD85v
Great candy bar: Charleston Chew. Not as great: Myrtle Beach Masticator.
You’ve been married a long time when the trail of rose petals she left you goes to the lawn mower
Does anyone with false teeth refer to them as their Tongue's Cool New Stepdad?
Just bought a white noise machine which only plays sounds of Joe Biden reading TV guide recaps of Succession.
Forget cars, is anyone working on a self-driving government?
DC just announced the title for their next sequel, "Joker: Steeper Stairs"
Today, I bashed people on Twitter, ate junk food and went to a strip club. How did you celebrate “President’s Day”?
This week on my podcast, @JuddApatow and I discussed serious issues like insecurity, decay, and bundt cakes. https://t.co/pfOk236hQr https://t.co/zTlgTmJUl8
Scientists have detected an unexplainable radio signal coming from space. In other words, now even God has a podcast.
Gwyneth Paltrow's Netflix series spends a lot of time telling you how to put things in and not enough on how to get them out.
“Is your name Prefrontal Cortex? Because I can’t get you out of my mind without serious damage.” #ValentinesDay
Your ranking is updated weekly based on your total of translations and comments. Raise your ranking by making translations or leaving comments!