“What’s with all the statues?”
--Future scuba divers

My POV from @LargoLosAngeles. Watch an all-new week of shows starting tonight @ 11/10c on @TBSNetwork. https://t.co/RZwTQGc3di

Turns out the people who predicted the world ending in 2012 were optimists.

And to think that this whole time, I respected Donald Trump because of his SAT scores. Strike one, Mr. President.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck did CrossFit? My guess is more.

I really enjoyed @JimCarrey's "memoir." Like Jim, the book is wildly comic, inventive, subversive, and made primarily of compressed paper pulp. https://t.co/P7nnIixLzb https://t.co/tr1F0HKFoc

RT @TeamCoco: "I'm an impossible square." - @ConanOBrien shocks @RobLowe on a new episode of "Literally!" Watch part of their conversation @ https://t.co/OpgakkrkbV. https://t.co/U4RJWfDhkN

My first electric guitar! #TBT https://t.co/mG0j5HfKiL

Just went to the doctor, my BMI is 40% ice cream.

Hear @tomhanks and I discuss his new movie @GreyhoundMovie, SNL memories, and our squeaky voices @ https://t.co/pfOk236hQr https://t.co/terxMZBSDH

I did it. I left my house. My first show from @LargoLosAngeles premieres tonight with guest Will Ferrell. https://t.co/CVJpPtmgnF #SaveOurStages

Looks like I trained for the 2020 running of the bulls for nothing.

With churches still closed I’m forced to sneak glances at my watch at home.

Just now remembering I left a tuna fish sandwich on my desk back in March.

Not sure I like the revised MLB rules for this shortened season: first bunt wins? Odd.

I'm going to be checking out @TheOutpostMovie today — very true and harrowing story of an intense battle in the Afghanistan War. I also plan to floss, but no one cares about that.

I am thrilled I'm moving my show to @LargoLosAngeles next week. My family is more thrilled. https://t.co/4bAK5y3fwo

This new book about Trump is sure to be his downfall.

We gave Canadians a little something special for this year’s Canada Day—no Americans!

https://t.co/LeQJAcpf7M