I’m selling this limited edition poster by @kiiarens on the #ConanAndFriends tour. https://t.co/I1hPc1twRm

When Trump's kids are bad, they get coal subsidies in their stockings.

Starting a tutoring company that only teaches entertainment reporters how to pronounce "Saoirse."

RT @ConanOBrien: .@daxshepard and I get to the bottom of our failed double date @ https://t.co/9Po0LyTBd1 https://t.co/0qr1npLTG5

.@daxshepard and I get to the bottom of our failed double date @ https://t.co/9Po0LyTBd1 https://t.co/0qr1npLTG5

I bet Hillary no longer finds it funny when she walks into a bagel place and people chant, "Lox her up!"

Aaa yes, that time of year again when we all break out the word ‘Tis.

As part of her holiday give-away Ellen just gave everyone in her audience their own Netflix show.

Time to do the same thing I do every year at this time: hire the FBI to figure out who my Secret Santa was in 1995. I will find you, candle-giver.

I like my pizza like I like my pizza: pizza.

If you Google “How do I stop receiving Pottery Barn catalogs?” the top result is a page with instructions for faking your own death.

If I could only listen to one album for the rest of my life, I would probably wonder what kind of fascist regime I was living under.

.@billburr and I talk about conspiracy theories, Burt Reynolds, and growing up with red hair @ https://t.co/9Po0LyTBd1 https://t.co/i3s8f5W3oJ

I wonder if Crackle and Pop ever say, “Oh, Snap.”

Ah yes, time for the annual debate between people who insist “Die Hard” is a Christmas movie and people who don’t give a shit.

Spent a day with President George H.W. Bush at Dartmouth College in 2010. He could not have been kinder and he was absolutely lovely to my parents. It was an honor I’ll always remember.

I’m starting a new meme. #dotheteddy #getcelebstodotheteddy #noonewilldotheteddy #conanandfriends https://t.co/X0q0XIsaII

Should have just said, “Who wants a cocktail?” instead of “Who will join me in briefly drowning out the shriek of The Abyss?”

We can’t sleep, and now you can’t either. #ConanAndFriends https://t.co/OISq6VUqcY

I’ll be sending this out as my holiday card this year. Apologies to my family. #ConanAndFriends https://t.co/Z0USWJLW6x