Now that he’s shaved his beard, I’m still not mistaken for Jason Momoa.

.@TigNotaro was obsessed with drawing Civil War portraits when she was a little girl. That fact alone makes me want to be her friend. https://t.co/MhtsEaJS9S https://t.co/3EyRUKt6fJ

Thrilled and honored to be a part of @MichelleObama’s #IAmBecoming event tonight in Milwaukee. https://t.co/RWBY29LEpJ

Most pictures of Trump look like they were taken during a 3AM trip to the bathroom. https://t.co/UhYG6YprFS

I told my therapist about my constant need to be liked and he said we can discuss it on the jet ski I bought him.

Talked with some extremely talented young whippersnappers named Thomas Middleditch and Ben Schwartz. https://t.co/MhtsEaJS9S https://t.co/6cpxqVVDYc

If “words can’t describe” what you saw, you could, like, shut up.

Bowshanks, Stumblestone, Pinchbottom, Feverfew, Pebblenut...Minor Shakespeare characters or craft beers?

WHY IS THIS MEDITATION APP NOT LOADING

My wife thinks Idris Elba should play me. She didn't say anything about a movie.

My therapist won’t validate my parking but he will validate my feelings about it.

Excited to announce that I'll be sitting down with @MichelleObama during her #IAmBecoming tour stop in Milwaukee on 3/14. Have a question you want me to ask her? Reply below. https://t.co/XodVpDY1Jd

Every time a Kardashian trends, I wish my mom had spelled my name "Konan."

Fun fact: my hair is one of the founding members of BTS. https://t.co/sz8tcF1N0u

My friend @LisaKudrow stopped by to talk about how we met, Friends reunion rumors, The Comeback, and much more. https://t.co/9Po0LyTBd1 https://t.co/e7mNFUtMC8

Can someone direct me to an Apple Airpod Right Ear Only store?

I'm sorry that Victoria's Secret is closing many of its stores, but excited that I can go to a mall again with my kids.

Just realized that "Pen15" is slang for 15 pens. Is nothing sacred?

“Inside Conan” is our new weekly behind the scenes podcast hosted by writers @jessiestwats and Mike Sweeney. I’m excited to finally find out what’s going on behind the scenes at CONAN. https://t.co/OhrbJ8zTAZ https://t.co/dwNSmUjcBY

Speaking of national emergencies, this glass of Merlot tastes off!